Nov 10, 2006
Really, I am!
Posted by: Lord Faux Pas
So... it so happened that Wednesday morning I woke up late. I had nothing to wear, the kids had nothing to wear, my husband had nothing to wear. The only thing the kids could find to eat for breakfast was peanut butter sandwiches on bread heels (no jelly either). It was at that very moment, that I suddenly contracted the FLU a.k.a Fake Like U'resick. I hate calling in sick, I really do. But there are some days when I just cannot make it. My weekend was unproductive, I have so many other things to do, and I just gotta do something...even if it is a slight bit deceptual. No one gets hurt, right?I’ve learned through trial and error what works best for calling in sick. Stomach virus is a real crowd pleaser. There are rarely, if ever, any questions asked about someone who has had Stomach Virus when they return to the office. It’s possible though, that I may have over exasperated this excuse. Last month when I mentioned to Kirk that I had a doctor appointment (for my yearly) he said “Oh, is it because of that stomach problem you have?” Um, no...but I’m making a mental note that next time I need to call in sick with the FLU as my excuse. FLU is a good excuse too. It’s pretty all encompassing. You can have any random symptom and be okay with calling it FLU. Oh I feel achy and have a fever- You have the FLU. Oh my heart is palpating and I’m sweaty all over- You too, have the flu. Oh, my teeth hurt and I think my eyebrows are falling out- FLU. Oh, my laundry isn’t done and I haven’t had time to grocery shop...hey, whaddya know-FLU!I put on my most sick looking face, and made the dreaded phone call which went like this:"SHHH....YOU KIDS BE QUIET, MOMMY’s about to tell a BIG WHITE LIE!! " I yell to the kids. I then do a few practice coughs and gurgle a bit. When the voicemail picks up, I wheezingly speak as if I am the ghost of Christmas Past KIRK.... this is Kasey. I’m really not feeling well today (because I haven’t done laundry in a week) and I’m not going to make it in. (but I might go get a new cell phone) I think Jada might be coming down with something too (whoa girl...TMI..keep it short and sweet...) socallmeifyouneedme- bye. (oops..heh heh, forgot to leave my phone number)Having pulled off the ultimate scam, I toodle back to bed feeling like I could swindle the Mafia out of it’s money. If only they would believe that I have * cough * West Nile Virus.
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